Respect

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

This word, RESPECT, seems to be popping up a lot lately in D/s circles, most notably in the rules for IRC channels. But just what does it really mean? Well, at least in my experience, it means that all lowercase letters (submissives) must call all uppercase letters (Dominants) Sir or Ma'am.

I won't even get started on the "uppercase means Dominant" idea, but what I don't understand is this concept that all dominants deserve respect. Why? Are they better than the rest of us? Are they more deserving of respect that anyone else, submissive, switch or vanilla?

Titles such as Sir or Ma'am are called honorifics. This means that they denote a position of honor. Why would being a dominant be anymore an honorable position than being a submissive. We are all...what we are. We do not choose...at least most of us, anyway...to be dominant or submissive because we feel more or less worthy. We are dominant or submissive because that is the natural state of being for us. Nevertheless, in all things dominants and submissives are equals. We all put our pants on the same way...our bodies function the same way...and we all deserve to be treated with respect and dignity equally.

Some imply that dominants should always be deferred to as if they are superior in some way or another. Well, sorry to burst that bubble, but not in my lifetime! Frankly, I am of the opinion that I am probably smarter than many of the dominants I meet. They have no greater powers than I and no greater understanding than anyone else in general (and too often much less!). This seems to be an assumption that is especially applicable to those whose experience is in the cyber world only. Well, ladies and gentlemen, go out to a munch or support group and look around. I guarantee that the dominants do not look any different from the submissives. They all look like people.

Taking this whole concept one step further, for me to defer to a dominant is, in effect, submitting my will to his. The concept that anyone with a capital letter or who calls himself "Dom Whatever" is due my submission is so ludicrous as to border on the insane. I choose to whom I submit...no one else! I choose when I will submit, too! What right does a stranger have to anything from me but polite behavior?

Respect, like honor, cannot be demanded. It cannot be taken. It can only be earned and given. And can something given so freely and easily have much value? At least when I call someone Sir, it has been earned and deserved.....and comes from my heart.